Tuesday, March 16, 2010

"We'll send him to a yoga camp"

"Your vacation starts next week, no?" My dad asked me. I knew that tone. . .oh I knew that tone.

[FLASHBACK-seventh grade]

"Your vacations start next week, alwa?" My dad asked me.
"Hu.." I said.
"Oh good..two more papers, do well. you want ice-cream?"
next week I was learning how to make paper ducks at a summer camp for kids.

[FLASHBACK-eighth grade]

"Last paper, huh?"
"Hu.."
Cricket camp. St. Joseph's ground, Richmond circle.

[FLASHBACK-ninth grade]

"You want to join the military?"
"Do I look like I want to?"
"Oh good...then you'll love this camp."
The Mahar Regiment's Pegasus camp![Thanks sonu and chandru uncle!!!] Full of obstacle courses ( rope bridges, brick walls, crawling through tunnels, sleeping in tents, dodging scorpions to go to the loo, socializing with rich spoilt kids hailing from "rich" schools, as I called them...bunch of jerks)
Leadership, personality building activities; more socializing with jerk-kids, ten km long treks through barren lands, raft building, rock climbing stuff...


[Tenth grade]

[Reconstruction]

[Scene: my parents' bedroom]

One fine day, my parents woke up.
"We'll send him to a yoga camp" They said in unison.

Sunshine points about the camp.

1)The female volunteers there were just out of this world.
2)I made a lot of friends, I still am in touch with.
3)I learnt how to serve food to people, also to wash my own plate after eating.
4)I got to know the "candle in the dark" technique to dissipate negative energy. i still, very much, do it. [straight face]
5)I learnt yoga is a pussy way to lose weight.
6)I got to lead a crew of retards for a play. People who can't do three different types of laughs are not actors. the crowd loved my performance.
7)I read the "thank you" speech at the end.
8)I actually felt bad leaving the place ten days later.
9)On the last day, we filled out each-others slam books. It was emotional. sniff.
[still have the book. I read it by the candle...lol]

Not-so-sunshine points about the camp.

1)We had to call the hot female volunteers "Didi's" (sister!)
2)The yoga itself was excruciatingly painful.
3)We had to gulp down liters of salt water and puke it out to cleanse out tummies.
4)We had to play team building games every evening. I hate chasing thin people during lock and key!!
5)We had to fill out "emotional quotient" forms. on an average they had 300 questions per questionnaire.
6)They segregated chubby kids on the first yoga session and they were told to follow a different diet...stupid fat kids...he he..er...I WAS NOT IN THE GROUP!!
7)We had to sleep on the floor, on a carpet.
8)Wash our own clothes.
9)No junk food
10)No TV.
11)Common bathrooms. Long lines for them. Sheesh.
12)A 12 km trek to a near by fort. WTF was that!!


No, my parents did not hate me. I actually willingly went to these summer camps. I am what I am today because of them. I learnt a lot about socializing, friendship, give and take, how to slap a guy when he is asleep and make it sound like he dreamt it, in the morning.
Thank you dad. Thank you mom.

19 comments:

  1. AHA ! ! !

    YOGA CAMP is the reason why you stare at candles in the dark and kill rats in your spare time ! !

    WTF IS A YOGA CAMP ANYWAY?

    What's next N ? A HANDWRITING ANALYSIS CAMP(er.. minus the female volunteers...er..) ! ! ? ?

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  2. omg u blogged!! *jealous* :P

    hehe if there was one thing that stuck on like properly...its the staring-at-the-candle-when-i-am-sad...

    quote palindrome-
    "fine! dont talk to me...call me fat...i have my candle to stare at hmph!"


    "3)We had to gulp down liters of salt water and puke it out to cleanse out tummies"

    and this shit is scary!!!

    wtf are they like teaching kids how to have an eating disorder or sumthing... i am sure all the girls went back home thinking "ahha now i know the bulimia trick"

    *embarrassed*

    i quess better get going...

    *zips mouth and runs away*

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  3. thanks pooj!! the next camp will be life rehab camp...you know damn well i need it!! and a yoga camp is the indianised version of a fat camp!!! i reduced a kg there, you know. if they had rationed lunch and dinner, i would have lost more. but it was unlimited.

    thanks kirit!!! your ROFLs are always welcome!!

    and moonlight, thanks for the comment!! its ok, i know you dont try the bulimia trick! NOT!!! you food killer!! i knew it!! its actually a very famous yogic thing to do. salt water thingy. but not if youre an anorexic model.


    pooj and moonlight!! dont make fun of my candle technique!! i'll lose its placebo effect!!!

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  4. Can I come train under you for the candle technique, which'll hopefully open my third eye?

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  5. of course you can...weekend classes. weekdays i train old people.

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  6. YOU suckety-suck.

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  7. i am doing my thesis in denmark machas..last semester left. its like a work routine right now..go in the morning , return in the evening.nothing exciting. u tell .how u doing ? how is work and all?

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  8. The balloons 'you' bought, not 'we'. :) .. true that night was pretty mental... uptill the point where our trusted aide behind the bar spiked our fuzzy jack and cokes with some RC. good compensation we got though with half a bottle of black label. crazy times i tell you.

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  9. The balloons 'you' bought, not 'we'. :) .. true that night was pretty mental... uptill the point where our trusted aide behind the bar spiked our fuzzy jack and cokes with some RC. good compensation we got though with half a bottle of black label. crazy times i tell you.

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  10. She said she had explained that to the parents that 'No active intervention' to save the childs life would be done, (A do not resuscitate protocol DNR - as they called it)... and they still wanted to take the child to our hospital as theywere not able to afford any other place. I agreed to take the child in as long as the parents had understood and wouldnt trouble me if at all the child died. (Not for a moment did I realise how cold i had become to the thought of death... )

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  12. cheechu lakkane undu!

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  13. Eeeee ninna poojege bandhe mahadeswara ninna karunadhi kaayo mahadeswara

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